Ladies Day, a day to dress to the nines, wear a fancy feathered hat, drink some champagne and have a flutter on some thoroughbreds – well that was the idea. It’s becoming apparent year after year that Ladies Day is no longer about the racing and more and more about the ‘sesh’. With each passing event the drunken antics and horrendous clobber is getting worse.
We’ve made a list of the 10 things you can be sure of seeing at Cheltenham Festival Ladies Day:
The intention of Ladies Day was to give the fairer sex the chance to dress up in all of their finery to attempt to emulate the royals that attend (or at least, used to attend) the races. Over the past 10 years standards have dropped faster than a political manifesto. Demure dresses showcasing class and elegance have been replaced by neon pink designer knock-offs being worn 3 sizes too small, making the wearer look like a stringed up joint of pork. The battle of the platform heels will never be won until the wearers head is in orbit and the market stall bought ‘Mum’ rings will be plentiful.
Wearing a hat or a headpiece has always been in the dress code for Ladies Day, and it’s evolution over the years has been driven by ladies desperation to out-do each other. Bows and feathers were a popular go-to for headpieces and hats in years gone by along with intricate designs and bright colours. Now you’re more likely to see a full English breakfast on someone’s head (yes, it has happened) or a 3D printed eulogy in the shape of a hat plonked on their barnet.
Drinking from the Bottle
As stated previously, Ladies Day used to be all about class and sophistication, sipping champagne out of a flute as you giddily cheer along the nag you’d backed at the tote. Ladies now don’t have time for a flute, they want the booze and they want it now. Usually pre-inebriated from downing £3 bottles of Pino Grigio on the coach journey the ladies arrive with a thirst that can only be quenched by chugging wine out of the bottle.
With the dresses growing smaller and the areas that protect their modesty becoming more elaborate there is a real danger of the ladies showing more than people would like to see. We say hopefully because some ‘ladies’ decide against undies and it’s a recipe for disaster. After a few beverages there is a lot of flesh flashing on Ladies Day so keep your wits about you and your eyes covered.
Some people will tell you that any tattoo is a bad tattoo and we usually wouldn’t comment but in lots of circumstances we really do question the logic. You can be certain you will see someone with an absolute shocker in permanent ink. The customary boyfriends name or even the newly popular under-boob mandala aren’t too bad, but when you have the famous Ghandi quote “You must be the change you wish to see in the world” and you’re face first in the mud, legs akimbo with half a bottle of plonk spilled down you, you’re asking not to be taken seriously.
It’s usually a given with the Ladies Day brigade that if she’s showing 98% of her body, chances are it’s going to be smeared in fake tan. You would think they would approach this cautiously to give off a healthy summer glow to enhance their image. You would be wrong though, very wrong, most of the time it looks like they we fathered by Umpa Lumpa’s, bathed daily in orange Tango, rolled around in Wotsits and still not satisfied with the colour submerged themselves in some cheap fake bake.
If you mix masses of alcohol, men, women and gambling all in the same place odds are it’s going to kick off. It could have been the smallest thing that started it off but once it starts it’s like a domino effect. Bottles and heel’s flying everywhere, hair being pulled and make-up smudged it’s usually quite an entertaining sight.
If you’ve ever been to Germany you will know exactly what clean looks like. In England we like to think we’re a tidy bunch but we’re no match for our pals on the continent. Nowhere is this more aptly shown than at the end of the day at the races. It’s about 3ft deep in wine bottles, plastic cups, fake eyelashes and dignity that’s been left behind.
Sitting on the floor
Due to the massive increase of the popularity of horse racing events such as Ladies Day seats are at an absolute premium. This leads to the thousands around the track without a chair sitting on the sloped toward the track concrete floor. After thinking about this it’s probably a good thing as ladies with a few glasses of vino down them are less stable than Shakey Jake. The only problem this leaves is it’s not a particularly brilliant sight for the passing jockeys & horses, a fair few thousand pairs of spread legs.
If the previous nine points haven’t hit the spot then who knows, maybe since you’re at a racetrack the racing might be an interesting sight. Ladies Day usually has some spectacular racing all across the meetings in the UK so is well worth a visit.